There Will Be Gaps

Over our years of homeschooling, I commonly heard phrases from others that were often somewhat flattering to me, but quite honestly, mostly unfounded. I heard things like "You must be very patient." or "You must be really smart." There have been many commonly asked questions too, for example; "Are you a teacher?" "What is your education?" "How do you teach multiple ages?" And the most often repeated reaction to my being a homeschooling mom is, - (homeschool moms, I know you've heard this one at least as much as I have) - "I could never homeschool my kids!" That statement is frequently followed by an explanation from them as to why that is an absolutely irrevocably true, beyond any shadow of doubt fact!

My typical response is usually that it really isn't as hard as they imagine. For me, that is the statement of fact that continued to ring true throughout our days of homeschooling. (I may expand on my experience of that in another post.)

If such a conversation continues, (often they don't) and deepens, (less frequently) leading to a real discussion about education, learning and family it evolves into a discussion of who loves and is the best example and teacher to the children in all of our lives, assuming relatively stable families, of course.

Another protest I have also commonly heard is about all of the potential learning gaps that will afflict the poor homeschooled children due to their parents lack of expertise in all the many areas needed for academic success. Again, if the conversation still continues (even rarer at this point), I attempt (trying to remember to do so delicately) to point out that no system of education, public or private, will provide enough exposure and understanding of all of the potential areas and subject matter that will be needed by our children over the next decades and over their own lifetimes.

Giving our children the basics to access the world of academics is vital. Basic math and reading is obviously important so that they will be able to move forward in pursuit of more understanding in any subject area they choose. The basics are necessary so that they will possess the ability to search and discover answers and solutions on their own. A firm grasp of those same basics are important so that they will be able to take the steps they will absolutely need to move forward in their lives with confidence.

However, no matter where they are being educated, no matter who their teachers are, they will have gaps. All of them will have gaps in some area of expertise and without confidence in their own ability to find info, explore the ideas of others and create their own solutions, they will be living not with simple gaps in information but in a chasm of fear and uncertainty. Mostly, they will need to accept that ongoing learning is part of life. Ideally they will possess a love of learning that will not only sustain them but will bring them joy throughout their lives contributing to their ability to thrive in relationships and in the work they choose.

The most important attribute I have observed in homeschooling parents is an interest and delight in ongoing learning for themselves. Whatever your choices are for the education of your children, share your own love of learning with each of them and with all of the children you have contact with. Acknowledge your confidence in them that they will be able to find answers and make decisions. Remind them that learning lasts a lifetime. Celebrate sharing the journey of ongoing learning with them. Provide an example of working diligently to fill in your own gaps!

Into 2020; Family, Parenting, Change and Love

Through all of the stages of parenting most of us have our favorites, some of us enjoy the babies, others of us enjoy the early childhood years of exploration and intense learning, others love the teens, (well, there must be someone, somewhere) though I have actually enjoyed watching the blossoming of my children during the teen years.

My theory is that whatever stage a family is currently in, it is often the phase that feels the hardest as parents - we look back at previous stages with fondness, easily forgetting the difficulties, only viewing the past through a sentimental lens. We can look forward to the future stages of development of our children with the hope and anticipation of smooth sailing when they are bigger or when a child acquires whatever skill might be next that it will make our life as a parent easier. We imagine that when the stage we are in passes, everything will be easier and better because... (fill in the blank). The phase of parenting we are in at the moment; with a ever growing, ever changing family can feel as if it is the most difficult, whether it is weaning a reluctant little one, potty training, learning to read, counseling a teen through a friendship crisis or encouraging a young adult  through college applications and course work.

We are all in, at any given moment and that one stage of development of any member of a family can feel like the most intense and the hardest to be in and to support our children through. This parenting journey is a look to the future kind of gig while also always being all about the moment to moment experience of being present with our children as often as possible. Some days we just make it through, other days we rejoice and high five our spouse. Also, unfortunately there are those days where all we can do is weep. And the oft used phrase "The days are long but the years are short." hoovers around the edges or becomes a mantra for the experience.

Here in our home, we have launched three amazing young adults into the world. We are proud of each of them. We are thrilled that they are all doing well and we also miss the daily interactions. If you aren't this far along on the journey - you might imagine that this is a phase comes with less worry and anxiety. Once you make it this far there isn't much to struggle with or complain about. We're done, it's all good - until....

Until the college kid comes home, just a few days before Christmas to share the virus that's been circulating on campus, exposing the rest of the family for the holidays. Or another, comes home with huge doubts about their chosen course of study. Or another, on the easier side, joins the family celebration still needing assistance with a ride to the mall, a haircut and work done on their vehicle. It is all still a labor of love and our presence as parents (recognized or not) continues to be an important aspect of supporting our offspring and each other through another phase of individual and family growth. We are still all in - deep.

Every phase of family life has it's joys and challenges, every year has it's change of seasons, accomplishments and setbacks, every decade has it's holding on, letting go and new adventures.

"To everything turn turn turn there is a season and a purpose under heaven and a time to every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

Happy New Year!
2020 - here we come!