Parenting Young Athletes - Part 1

First published in 2016.

Like most people, I am inspired by the amazing accomplishments of athletes who have achieved excellence and world class status in sports. Watching an Olympic event can bring tears to my eyes as I realize the possibilities inherent in human talent and commitment. For an athlete to become part of an Olympic team and compete on a world stage takes dedication to a single goal beyond what many of us have or are even witness to very often. It is truly amazing what can be achieved through focus and commitment.

I am even more likely, brought to tears, by watching my own children perform in their selected sports. It is, naturally, the modest performances of my own, that strikes a cord of awe and pride most deeply in the heart of their mom. The background knowledge of the support and love required to even attempt greatness in athletics brings home certain universal aspects of being human and what it really takes to achieve a dream.

At bat.

We currently have three serious athletes in our immediate family. One baseball player and two gymnasts. Our daughter is a gymnast and we are also currently hosting an international student gymnast. As parents, we walk a fine and demanding line of supporting their pursuits in sports and helping them achieve a balance in their lives.

Our goals for our children include taking into account all other areas of life and achievement, most importantly long term health and happiness. While sports participation can contribute to those ends, it can also overtake them. It can displace them, distort them or focus them more sharply.





As a mother of young athletes, I am a witness to the daily effort needed for even the most basic involvement in a sport. It takes a committed family to enable a young person to follow the dream of athletic participation, at any level. What it takes for the highest levels of achievement is incomprehensible to me at times, when just getting my child to the field or the gym requires me to do back flips (metaphorically) given the other responsibilities of raising children and maintaining a household.

USAG Eastern Nationals 2016

Sports achievement, requires first and foremost a committed, driven athlete and a supportive family. It also requires a team of knowledgeable and talented coaches and athletic trainers.

There can be the need for expertise in sports related counseling sessions, injury prevention or injury recovery. On occasion, there is the need for physical therapists, sports doctors and surgeons. High level sports participation requires the constant struggle of single purpose against the odds of circumstance and available resources.

High achievement requires a heavily resourced band wagon.

As sports parents, we have the responsibility of providing healthy nutrition on a daily basis, providing the required apparel for practice, games and competitions, (there is lots of laundry), scheduling, driving, oversight of academic achievement and creating an environment of support that includes the opportunity for rest and downtime. The sourcing of all of this falls squarely on the shoulders of the parents, to find, provide, utilize and fund. High achievement isn't cheap.

Healthy daily nutrition is a must.

There are times, when it is difficult to address the needs of other individual family members while supporting a driven young athlete. For the athlete, there is a constant demand of staying focused and committed while living a life of balance. For parents, it requires the constant outlay of resources to the endeavor. In some families this may place limitations on other activities for siblings. Maintaining an intense practice schedule and allotting the resources for it takes creativity while continuing to consider the needs of other family members. For some sports, such as gymnastics, the longest time off from practice in an entire calendar year is only one week. Trying to juggle that in a family of athletes with working parents, who have employer dictated vacation weeks, has meant short and sweet family vacations that are more accurately described as extended weekends.

What really matters...

As we continue supporting our children as athletes, I have come to realize that for our family, the discipline that is most important is beyond all of the athletic training. For the young athlete with high aspirations, there is the need to focus so much on ones own pursuit that the consideration of the others living with and around them can be easily overlooked. It is important to me to emphasize the value of family, friends and loved ones for their own sake. I try in word and deed, to remind our driven athletes of the value of others in their lives, beyond the contribution they make to the personal sports goals of the athlete.

Wherever our children end up in their athletic adventures, whether it be culminated in high school sports participation or beyond, hopefully their participation and learning will contribute to the growth of more well rounded, disciplined and aware people (parents included). The real goal in sports participation is the growth of people who know what it takes to love and support others, are better able to contribute to the well being and lives of others and to effectively improve the world in which they live.

For an amazing look into the gymnastics life of Olympic champion McKayla Maroney as she reflects on her career, watch her fascinating interview on GymCastic.

Or for a very personal and revealing coming of age story set in the demanding world of elite gymnastics read Chalked Up by Jennifer Sey. Available on amazon.

Where they lead...

As parents, no matter the plans we have for our families and specifically each of our children, their ideas, talents and interests are their own and the more they are allowed to develop them and their own thinking the more we may find ourselves in unknown territory, assisting them in accessing the resources and training they need to explore and develop their own unique gifts and talents.

It is an adventure to see where our children, in the developing of their own unique gifts, might lead us as we explore, learn and enjoy the world together.

With our boys, providing for physical activity was always a priority, allowing for exploration and the opportunity to develop the physical skills they wanted to possess meant being outdoors and active; learning to ride tricycles, bicycles, skates, skateboards. It meant sports, organized and unorganized, golf courses, driving ranges and many summers at the baseball field; community sports, travel team sports, and athletic teams in the local public school.

Our daughter, our youngest, could have followed in their footsteps, and she did in a family backyard playground, kind of way. However, when it came time to participate in an organized activity, she declined. There are many girls in our community who play baseball and many who play softball, but apparently, she had had enough of running the bases. She was interested in dance and gymnastics. Her pursuit of gymnastics and invitations to join competitive teams led us to finding and her receiving excellent training. We traveled to regional and national competitions. She found one of her passions. She accomplished so much. She developed relationships with other dedicated girls who became her best friends. And then...


Change is inevitable and when our daughter chose to focus on dance training, we were in for another learning experience. So much to learn while following another potential passion; ballet, variations, modern, contemporary, and shoes, shoes, and more shoes, pointe, flat, jazz, and character shoes.

Ballet class leads to ballet performances and stage time, individually and as a group. Those performances lead to behind the scenes parent volunteer time and more learning opportunities for family members in unexpected places.


In homeschooling families, the learning of a particular subject matter often carries over to siblings as they watch and support one another. Her older brothers have attended (and actually enjoyed) more ballet performances then any of us would have ever anticpated.

The learning, thankfully never ends and based on our youngest's participation as a dancer, we are headed into another new experience this summer. The same daughter, on the verge of  becoming a young woman, will be attending a many week summer dance intensive, away from home! As a homeschooling family, (if you are one, you'll get this) we have very rarely even spent overnights away from each other. This is a wonderful opportunity, it is an exciting adventure, that puts her, as a student on her path to independence, a little sooner than we might have predicted. We are headed, once again, into uncharted territory. For her, a summer of new and advanced training, a summer of hard work and learning away from family. For us, a summer with many days apart from our youngest, still a teen.

Wish me well as we hit the road, to take her to this exciting new adventure. I'll be coming back home to an almost "empty nest". I'll be coming back to work on some long neglected projects and passions of my own. There are so many, I won't know where to begin!

What unexpected learning, adventures and travel have your children led you to? Leave me some comments, I'm going to need the company!

A Round Up of Ideas for Summer

A Big Decision

Our beautiful daughter, Adah, has always loved to dance. She is also a talented and accomplished athlete.

She has been surrounding by the athletic prowess of her older brothers and has done an amazing job of keeping up with them in their activities. In physical activities like running, skating, volleyball and skateboarding with them, she has consistently held her own. She drew the line at participating in any organized way on a baseball diamond and left the hitting and pitching to the boys.

Her individual athleticism expressed itself through gymnastics. Gymnastics gave her a significant physical challenge with a bit of artistic expression thrown in. It also offered her some girl time with teammates who were likewise driven. With high achievement goals, the expectations she placed on herself and the demands of gymnastics practice, she was forced to leave formal dance training in the wings while she pursued her sport at a competitive level.

                          Gymnastics at Virginia Beach. USAG Eastern Nationals 2016.

Regional and national competition participation is an achievement. Adah accomplished both for several years. We traveled, we cheered. Her performances at meets were excellent. We were proud and we were all (athlete and parents) stretched in many ways. Then we began to be stretched, too thin.

Participating in competitive gymnastics is exceptionally demanding and as a family we began to reconsider the path our daughter was on. During that process, I wrote about those demands in this blog. After years of daily intensive practice and seasonal competitions, we began to re-evaluate her participation in such an intense sport. We enrolled her in a once a week dance class to determine if her love of the art remained and we watched, and we waited, and when we began to discuss the possibility of making changes, the tears began to flow. She admitted to the chronic physical pain that many gymnasts experience. She shared her questions and her fears of injury and uncertainty of being offered a college scholarship on one hand and of leaving so much accomplishment behind on the other. She also revealed her desire to have an opportunity to pursue training in dance.

At the age of 14, our daughter was making a long term life decision. She had already invested a lifetime into one endeavor. She had acquired skills and techniques reserved for the talented and dedicated. Fortunately, acquiring those skills and competing them had only resulted in one "minor" injury (a broken thumb) for her during years of participation. Unfortunately, it was taking its toll in many other ways. After years of investment, we pulled the plug on our daughter's pursuit of gymnastics.

Learning and moving in a whole new setting.

Hinsdale Dance Academy

Like many important decisions in life, the way was not crystal clear in advance. The decision to change directions was difficult and sad, as well as exciting and hope filled. This spring we are coming to the close of one full competitive season following this momentous choice and so far, so good. This season, Adah is dancing. It is an art that suits her. When asked, she has not shared any misgivings about moving on from gymnastics, not even in the midst of hearing of the competitive accomplishments of former teammates.

Adah is a beautiful dancer. There is joy in what she is doing and it shows. Of course, as her mother, I will always think that she is an amazing dancer, was an amazing gymnast and most importantly is becoming a most amazing woman.

So far she says she has no regrets. For that, we as parents, are grateful.

Traveling with Young Athletes

Our teenagers participation in sports has sometimes required us to travel long distances to events. So far, this has always been because they have achieved entry into a level of competition that they worked hard to accomplish. A regional or national competition is a big deal and something we felt deserved our commitment as parents to assist them in participating in.

Needless to say, travel is expensive. Our family vacations have predominantly been budget conscious adventures, tent camping, lots of sandwiches on the road, etc. So our earliest sports travel expenses were quite a shock. Fun and exciting, but did a number on our budget! I began to explore options and ways to reduce the expense. One wonderful discovery was of Airbnb. Not only did Airbnb save us money but the accommodations were actually beneficial in many ways, especially for our daughter, as she competed at gymnastic meets.

Staying in the hub (the designated host hotels) of competition excitement can be invigorating but it can also be distracting and overwhelming for an athlete as they prepare for high level competitions. In the case of gymnastics there are often many athletes of varying ages with different needs and expectations. The activity level can be distracting. Socializing looks more fun than getting rest, eating well and staying focused. The food choices, especially if your funds are limited can be restrictive.

Food

Healthy nutrition is an important component for competing athletes. Eating on the road is typically more restrictive and finding good nutrition on the road is difficult without over spending. It can be difficult to maintain a healthy diet especially one required by a young competing athlete while traveling. Staying with Airbnb hosts has been amazingly beneficial for us, in this regard. We have been able to find accommodations that have provided access to complete use of a kitchen, allowing us to prepare food for ourselves instead of eating out or resorting to packaged items. In one case we were asked by our host in advance, what items we would like to have available for breakfasts. When we arrived we were greeted by a well stocked supply of appropriate, start your day right, meal choices.

Share the Expense 

Trying to keep costs down, we have organized with other families, to share the expense. Due to different competition levels, schedules and needs of the athletes, arranging to share accommodations can be helpful or honestly, only add to the level of stress. We have at times been fortunate to have teammate families that have been willing to share travel and/or accommodations. Depending on the location and distance, sharing driving especially, can be much more cost effective than air travel.

We have shared both hotel rooms and airbnb accommodations.  The advantage to sharing an Airbnb is the wide range of options available. There are whole houses, or single rooms. There are luxury accommodations, or bare bones facilities. In one situation, we shared with another gymnast and her mom, we had two lovely bedrooms (the girls shared one, us moms the other), The downside of this arrangement was the chatting that went on into the night, infringing on sleep. And it wasn't the girls who were up late into the night chatting and losing sleep. We have always had access to a kitchen when staying in an Airbnb.  As a result, we have been able to provide the best nutrition and cook up some great meals. After one meet we were able to share a wonderful meal of celebration with our hosts. You never know where support for your young athlete and your family will come from.

Pineapples are symbols of hospitality. Airbnb hosts deliver.

Visit Airbnb

Another Gymnastics Season Completed

She did it! With an outstanding All Around finish in 11th place in her age group at USAG Level 9 Eastern Nationals my daughter, Adah, has another gymnastics season under her belt.

After a few minor set backs of illness and family financial considerations this year, Adah had a fantastic season competing USAG level 9. She does the hard work of training and conditioning and we do our best to support her through each season. We are fortunate to have a young gymnast who appreciates the commitment and sacrifice it takes from her family for her to excel in this demanding sport.

A gymnast's season encompasses it all!

Congratulations, Adah on another year well done!
Adah's 2016 season on youtube

Supporting a Young Woman in the Toughest Sport

Participating in gymnastics demands a continual intense focus and commitment. It is an unforgiving sport and the opportunity to pause and savor an accomplishment is somewhat limited. Immediately following any competition, a gymnast is right back in the gym for practice and improvement. There is hardly a break before pushing on to achieve the next skill and reach the next level of competition. Expectations from coaches are high and reveling in victory is barely encouraged. There's not much celebrating in the end zone in this sport.

 

On April 10, 2016 Adah competed at Level 9 Regional Championships in Bourbonnais, Illinois. She placed 4th All Around and qualified for USAG Eastern Nationals.

In my role as gym mom for this young athlete, my responsibilities include, providing high quality meals and education about healthy nutrition, insistence on adequate rest, and continuing attention to academics. Plus, providing the important emotional support for the general overall well being of my daughter. Emotional stability and mental balance is an important factor for athletes. Young athletes need support and guidance to navigate through the intense emotional, as well as physical demands of training and competition.   

Here are a few suggestions for addressing the emotional development of a young athlete while participating in a high demand sport:

• Do fun things! It's important to do unrelated, just for fun activities on a regular basis.
• Maintain family activities outside of the sport. Regular family meals, for example, despite the training schedule.
• Encourage and support other interests outside of the sport. Art, crafts or music can all be enjoyed as a way to take a mental break.
• Acknowledge the demands of the sport. A tired athlete needs to hear that what they are doing is intense and tiring.
• Acknowledge participation as an accomplishment. No matter what happens in competition, dedication to regular training is an achievement. Commitment deserves a pat on the back regardless of the results.

I try to remind Adah of her many accomplishments as a competitor and team mate. I remind her that where ever she places at a meet, she has achieved success simply by being there. Like the many young athletes participating in this sport, she has developed an amazing command of her body, she has learned the skills of hard work, discipline and perseverance. In acknowledging to her the value of those skills, I hope to boost her confidence as a young women in all areas of her life. Given the hard work she has done, documenting and sharing her success is an important part of the process of her growth as an athlete and more importantly as a young woman striving for excellence. Above all, we (her parents), express to her our continual joy in her as a young woman, no matter what happens in gymnastics!

Set You Own Goals

She was determined.

My daughter's USA Gymnastics (USAG) 2014-2015 season is over. It was a good one. She succeeded in accomplishing the goals she set for herself. One of the many keys to her success this season, was that she set those goals for herself. Determined to secure her place at a national meet, she went to every practice with her goal in mind and continued the hard work on specific skills and the overall conditioning required.

In gymnastics anything can happen. Athletes spend hours in the gym perfecting skills only to be burdened by an injury at the time of an important competition. It is an extremely demanding sport that takes perseverance in the best of circumstances.

After bowing out of travel to Florida for a regular session meet, I assured Adah that if she qualified, we would do whatever we could to get her to the Eastern National meet in Florida.

Adah competed in 5 meets in the regular season and at the State Championships. There she qualified for the USAG Region 5 Championships. She finished at the regional competition with her mission accomplished; qualifying for Eastern Nationals.

Love those post competition smiles!

Adah's participation in the Eastern National meet provided her with the reward of accomplishment and both of us with the exciting opportunity for a mother daughter trip to Kissimmee, Florida. We had a great time exploring a bit of Florida together. And I achieved one of the goals I set for myself this season, quality bonding time with my growing daughter!

She took me up on my promise and turned it into a trip to the beach!

Watch her routines here.

Into the World of Competition

One of the amazing places my youngest, my beautiful and talented daughter, Adah, has

led us to, is into the world of competitive gymnastics.

We didn't set out to be gym parents but as a homeschooling family, we looked for opportunities to have our children interact with others and to be physically active. Play dates worked for quite awhile, especially when my children were toddlers and when my boys were under five. As they grew and their interests broadened, they gravitated toward the learning of more nuanced physical skills. While they still enjoyed and valued unstructured play, they desired the learning of specific skill sets. Developing and incorporating new physical skills requires teaching, training and practice. So we began to supplement the free play with some structured activities.


Organized sports programs.

Community organized sports offered interaction, physical activity and the opportunity to learn specific sports skills. Pursuing all of the above, we have found ourselves involved in organized sports programs with our kids for over a decade now. Our boys have participated in organized baseball, basketball, hockey to varying degrees, as well as in friendly neighborhood pickup games. There are more than a few stories, current and from recent family history about those activities to share. However, the given moment of the season is with my daughter; this post is about the amazing and demanding sport of gymnastics.

The gymnastics pursuit all began as an innocent interest on my part in getting my daughter into an activity of her own, where she could meet others her own age, where she could have an experience of physical activity in a structured class of her own. She had been spending a lot of time at her older brothers' baseball games and though they willingly taught her baseball skills, she showed no interest in following that beaten family path for herself. The most appealing thing about a baseball game to her was the park playground.

The climbing, tumbling fun of the playground, her interest in dance, her desire to meet and share time with other girls and probably significantly, winter, led us to a community tumbling class. I never dreamed that class would lead us into a competitive sport with my youngest. She enjoyed it and she was good at it. One class lead to another, to a training team and an invitation to join a competitive team. Eight years later, we are entrenched.

Gymnastics takes a huge family commitment for a child to participate beyond a class or two and into competition. 

As she achieves new skills and advances through the levels, I marvel at what we and so many families do to support the participation of a child in gymnastics. Despite the fact that it is her sport ( I work really hard to keep my own issues separate and to maintain the resolve that it is her sport, not mine, not ours, hers) it is a sport that requires a huge commitment from those supporting an aspiring gymnast. A gymnast's, almost daily, attendance at practices requires transportation and family scheduling to accommodate. Everyone else in the family has to adjust. We continue to eat dinner as a family regularly, but that meal isn't usually served until 8 pm, after practice. There is a substantial financial commitment that is placed on a gymnast's family that can be a burden when money is tight. (For more on that ask a gymnast's siblings).

The rewards are great as well. 

To watch a child grow and learn from the demands required is inspiring. To achieve the series of movements it takes to perform a seemingly impossible routine on a balance beam, or to finally tumble a dreaded pass across the floor with grace is a truly remarkable feat and a joy to behold. There are benefits that make providing the support behind the scenes worth while. 

The benefits of participation in the sport of gymnastics that I have observed for my now teen daughter include:

• Excellent physical conditioning, 
• a strong sense of what she can accomplish,
• an understanding of what it takes to excel in an elite sport or in any endeavor,  
• confidence,
•  positive self and body image,
• discipline, 
• strong bonds with teammates and friends who participant in gymnastics,
• appreciation of the challenges and accomplishments of others, 
• required healthy eating habits, 
• an interest in maintaining good health, 
• an interest in women's sports in general.

                                                                                 

So we are off to the next level of competition. I am looking forward to witnessing the culmination of all of the hard work my daughter has put into this endeavor. I am grateful for the opportunity. I am most grateful for the opportunity to have a very special trip together that rewards her dedication and her hard work and will more importantly, allow us to create lasting memories of love and support. 

Good luck, Adah! No matter where you place, you will always be a 10.0 in my heart!