Parenting Young Athletes - Part 1

First published in 2016.

Like most people, I am inspired by the amazing accomplishments of athletes who have achieved excellence and world class status in sports. Watching an Olympic event can bring tears to my eyes as I realize the possibilities inherent in human talent and commitment. For an athlete to become part of an Olympic team and compete on a world stage takes dedication to a single goal beyond what many of us have or are even witness to very often. It is truly amazing what can be achieved through focus and commitment.

I am even more likely, brought to tears, by watching my own children perform in their selected sports. It is, naturally, the modest performances of my own, that strikes a cord of awe and pride most deeply in the heart of their mom. The background knowledge of the support and love required to even attempt greatness in athletics brings home certain universal aspects of being human and what it really takes to achieve a dream.

At bat.

We currently have three serious athletes in our immediate family. One baseball player and two gymnasts. Our daughter is a gymnast and we are also currently hosting an international student gymnast. As parents, we walk a fine and demanding line of supporting their pursuits in sports and helping them achieve a balance in their lives.

Our goals for our children include taking into account all other areas of life and achievement, most importantly long term health and happiness. While sports participation can contribute to those ends, it can also overtake them. It can displace them, distort them or focus them more sharply.





As a mother of young athletes, I am a witness to the daily effort needed for even the most basic involvement in a sport. It takes a committed family to enable a young person to follow the dream of athletic participation, at any level. What it takes for the highest levels of achievement is incomprehensible to me at times, when just getting my child to the field or the gym requires me to do back flips (metaphorically) given the other responsibilities of raising children and maintaining a household.

USAG Eastern Nationals 2016

Sports achievement, requires first and foremost a committed, driven athlete and a supportive family. It also requires a team of knowledgeable and talented coaches and athletic trainers.

There can be the need for expertise in sports related counseling sessions, injury prevention or injury recovery. On occasion, there is the need for physical therapists, sports doctors and surgeons. High level sports participation requires the constant struggle of single purpose against the odds of circumstance and available resources.

High achievement requires a heavily resourced band wagon.

As sports parents, we have the responsibility of providing healthy nutrition on a daily basis, providing the required apparel for practice, games and competitions, (there is lots of laundry), scheduling, driving, oversight of academic achievement and creating an environment of support that includes the opportunity for rest and downtime. The sourcing of all of this falls squarely on the shoulders of the parents, to find, provide, utilize and fund. High achievement isn't cheap.

Healthy daily nutrition is a must.

There are times, when it is difficult to address the needs of other individual family members while supporting a driven young athlete. For the athlete, there is a constant demand of staying focused and committed while living a life of balance. For parents, it requires the constant outlay of resources to the endeavor. In some families this may place limitations on other activities for siblings. Maintaining an intense practice schedule and allotting the resources for it takes creativity while continuing to consider the needs of other family members. For some sports, such as gymnastics, the longest time off from practice in an entire calendar year is only one week. Trying to juggle that in a family of athletes with working parents, who have employer dictated vacation weeks, has meant short and sweet family vacations that are more accurately described as extended weekends.

What really matters...

As we continue supporting our children as athletes, I have come to realize that for our family, the discipline that is most important is beyond all of the athletic training. For the young athlete with high aspirations, there is the need to focus so much on ones own pursuit that the consideration of the others living with and around them can be easily overlooked. It is important to me to emphasize the value of family, friends and loved ones for their own sake. I try in word and deed, to remind our driven athletes of the value of others in their lives, beyond the contribution they make to the personal sports goals of the athlete.

Wherever our children end up in their athletic adventures, whether it be culminated in high school sports participation or beyond, hopefully their participation and learning will contribute to the growth of more well rounded, disciplined and aware people (parents included). The real goal in sports participation is the growth of people who know what it takes to love and support others, are better able to contribute to the well being and lives of others and to effectively improve the world in which they live.

For an amazing look into the gymnastics life of Olympic champion McKayla Maroney as she reflects on her career, watch her fascinating interview on GymCastic.

Or for a very personal and revealing coming of age story set in the demanding world of elite gymnastics read Chalked Up by Jennifer Sey. Available on amazon.

Sports Participation Builds Character and a Heartwarming Little Leaguer Story Video

After so many years watching my boys play in Little League and the dedicated hours my husband spent coaching and encouraging players throughout the years, I love seeing positive stories from the games and especially from the Little League World series in Williams Port, Pennsylvania. We never had the luck and fortitude to make it there as a competing team but there were many years that we went as spectators. Those little fields are gorgeous and the all volunteer event is run smoothly and with friendly enthusiasm. I saw this heartwarming video on https://worldwatch.news yesterday morning. Watch and see just one sweet example of how sports participation can help build character.

Not Taking the Field - This Year

This is the first spring in many years that no one in our family will be taking the field to play a season of baseball (little League, travel team, high school or otherwise). This is the first spring in many where we are not discussing the upcoming practice game schedule, not hearing the team roster or even the new jersey color and design. I will not be watching from the bleachers, wrapped in blankets, because early spring weather is the most unpleasant at our local fields.

Our middle child and youngest son is a young adult, freshman in college and though initially it looked like he would continue to play baseball at the community college where his is doing his first years of higher education, he has decided not to take the field with the team.


He determined that though he loves the game and though he is actually pretty good, his future is not as a professional, big league, minor league or even college player. He is a smart pitcher, long and lanky, he does well on the mound. However, he evaluated his plan for college and realized continuing to hone his baseball skills there, while personally rewarding weren't the skills he needed to focus on, to become equipped to earn and contribute in our society. He determined that an increased focus on his academic goals is more important for him to grow into the adult he wants to become.

After years of investment as parents; of time, money, emotion, teaching and coaching (on my husband's part), learning (on my part), we are done with the game, as parent spectators of our own children. They are all are done as full out, committed training players. Despite our awareness that this day would come, it is bitter sweet. And in all honesty, a few hopes of our own are being set aside. So much attention is given to highly talented and skilled athletes in our culture that it is easy to hold the dream images, of full ride college scholarships or a pro athlete careers, as a justification for the time and energy spent on the activity of sports with our children.

Every family goes into sports participation with different ideas, dreams and goals. Dreams for our children's future are important, so is their developing useful skills. Factors in ours son's choice, as he began training with a higher level team, was his understanding of what it takes to excel and his recognition of the team expectations and culture. For obvious and valid reasons, the college team focus was athletic skill. The expectation was that players make their team participation their top priority. He recognized, that his long term goals required him to make academic achievement his top priority. Doing everything well at the same time isn't always possible. His decision to prioritize his time to accomplish his academic goals and to surround himself with support for those skills was a smart and mature one for him to make.

The awareness of what it takes to truly be excellent in a chosen area of study or skill development was in no small way, made possible by his participation in sports. To achieve what he did as a baseball player, routinely featured on the pitchers mound on a high school varsity team, took many hours of practice beginning at a young age. There was much fun and many rewards along the way but there were also sacrifices made, on his part, to achieve that goal. All three of our children have acquired the knowledge of what kind of commitment it takes to achieve excellence in any given field through their development of skills as athletes. That knowledge will serve them well.

As a family we also gained; many special memories, community connections, time and new experiences together. We all developed friendships with coaches, mentors and peers. We gained relationships and goodness and joy that we continue to value.

We are letting go of some dreams and the pre-organized ongoing summer family activity.
I will miss; the regularly scheduled time outside, watching my son on the pitchers mound, watching him grow and develop that specific skill. I will miss the opportunity to observe first hand as he excels. I will, especially miss, seeing my husband teaching, working with, encouraging and enjoying his children at the park and on the field.

As much as baseball interfered with plans and ideas I may have had for other summer family activities, there was also the up side of having so much of that planned and organized for us. It may have not been the longed for trip to the beach or Disney but it was something we all attended together, outdoors, with each other, friends and community.

Our family will continue to follow baseball at a few levels. When the Little League World Series comes around we'll probably watch a few of the televised games. We'll reminisce about our own trips to Williamsport as spectators and the seasons we had high hopes of being one of those accomplished and very lucky teams. Favorite college teams will be on our radar and the local pro teams stats (Cubs or Socks?) will provide conversation fodder over a family meal.

But as for active, get your gear ready participation, for Run Ran Fam, that's a wrap.

For a continued worthwhile read with more on the benefit of community team sports participation, read high school senior, John Pesce's award winning essay recounting his Little League experience. Play ball!

May Celebrations

Whether you are a homeschool family, private or public school family, have babies, young children or grown children, late spring schedules are filled with ceremonies and celebrations of accomplishments and transitions. A few photos of some of ours are included here. Enjoy each and every season, they pass so quickly!

Prom

Senior Prom

Young men.

Kim and her lovely daughters.

Dance

A first dance competition. 

Celebrating a win.

Hamming it up.

Baseball

Longtime baseball buddies.

The whole team.

Asher and Coach Till

Asher and Coach Ruge.

Music

Avo's DePaul University African Ensemble rehearsals and performance added some rhythm to the mix.

Graduation

And for the last weekend of May, a jammed packed schedule, a graduation and a final high school baseball game. After years of homeschooling, Asher made the choice to attend public high school beginning in his freshman year. He found his niche on the baseball team, improved his study skills and is ready to move on to the next chapter. I can't believe how fast those four years flew by!

Leadership and composure
under pressure. Useful skills for
any life situation.

Congratulations, Asher!
A job well done!

We wrap May up with Memorial Day, acknowledgement and appreciation, for the sacrifice made by others for our freedom! 

Spring Means Baseball

For our family, organized sports participation began with our children when our oldest was seven. It was a late start by our local community standards, but it wasn't long before we were all in. My husband initially became more involved by "helping out" with team practices. His involvement grew year by year and a few springs later he was managing and coaching a Little League team. 

At the Little League World Series

Both of our sons have continued to play baseball most of their young lives. My husband continued to coach into our son's travel team participation. Family summer time activities were dictated by game schedules and team practices. As a homeschooling family, the baseball field is where we developed relationships with other parents in our suburban neighborhood. Family vacations even included trips to watch Little League championship games in Williamsport, PA. (A great family vacation destination, by the way.)

Many hours were spent at one field or another. Whether as parent spectator, coach or player we each enjoyed being outdoors through the spring and summer. As a family we have many wonderful baseball related memories from on and off the field.

I especially loved seeing my husband work with all of the young players. Our sons were observing his leadership first hand and up close in a context outside of our family. I am beyond proud of the integrity he demonstrated for them to emulate one day. Their relationship with each other has been enhanced because of their shared interest and participation. They will always cherish the memories of those extended moments practicing and developing skills together. 

Every family will determine their own level of involvement and their goals for "extra curricular" activities. We have seen many benefits of participating in non-academic pursuits, specifically sports. Each of our children has come away from sports participation with a realistic understanding of what it takes to excel in any endeavor.

Organization skills or how to
take care of your own equipment
has been a sports participation benefit.

• Discipline
• Work Ethic
• Commitment
• Self awareness
• Compassion
• Team work 

As parents, we all have high hopes for our offspring. We have seen more then our fair share of extreme commitment from parents in the hope of great lifetime success in a sport. We want to provide opportunities that weren't available to us. We are all susceptible to attempts at living unrealized dreams of our own through our children. There is a fine balance between recognizing the talents of our children and our expectations for them of utilizing those talents. Being realistic without trampling on their dreams, it is important as parents to be realistic about the possibilities of sports greatness.

Learning to play by the rules.

And respect for authority.

At every level of sports participation the numbers decrease dramatically. Many community team players never have a chance to play in high school. According to www.scholarshipstats.com, only 7% of high school athletes (all sports) play in college and from there to professional sports the numbers are reduced even more dramatically.

Our oldest ended his participation on a team as an 18 year old, after a knee injury. College academics took precedence over an athletic come back. Our second son is still playing. As a high school senior, this is his last season as a high school player. As parents, we have made an effort to keep all of the sports participation in perspective. We are glad to have developed connections to community members that are rooted in the mutual goal of supporting our children and teaching them the values of hard work and being a team player. We have wonderful family memories of cheering and winning and losing. Our children have an appreciation and respect for competition. They also have personal understanding of the benefits of health and physical fitness. All things that they will utilize in all areas of their lives.

All gains - no matter our son's future in baseball. For the moment - we are enjoying the game!

After four years of developing team spirit and comradery,
our son's days of  high school baseball are coming to a close.

Asher at Bat - We Encourage Our Kids to Participate in Organized Youth Sports

There is a wide range of available opportunities in our current culture for organized youth sports. There are as many sports as there are kids to play; as many games as there are days in summer, fall, spring and winter. There is baseball, lacrosse, badminton, gymnastics (several kinds), track and field, soccer, hockey, volleyball and I'm sure plenty more I'm not even aware of. In each, there are varying levels at which to participate.

There are community leagues; parents volunteer to manage, coach and assist with administration. Often associated with national organizations, many communities give these groups priority for field time and park access. Little League Baseball and American Youth Soccer Organization are just two examples.

In some communities there are park district leagues; anyone can sign up and everyone plays. Organized and administrated by local city parks and recreation departments these leagues often hire young adults to assist with teaching and coaching.

There are travel leagues and travel teams; in some cases, there is still parent coaching and managing. Though in these leagues, it is more likely there will be a privately hired coach. Training for the players on these teams is usually more intensive. Some of these teams will require try outs, others won't. These are basically club sports that are private. Participation in competitions is administrated through a larger organization. USA Gymnastics for gymnasts is an example.

And in the good ol' USA.
There are school teams, some where everyone plays and some exclusive. On the exclusive school teams, coaches choose players based on skill and ability already achieved and demonstrated at try-outs. Some school teams will include training and skill development, but don't count on it. Some school sports are not available to everyone.

Whatever level of participation you choose for your young athlete, there are fruitful experiences to share.

Benefits for the athletes:

• Productive, keep busy activity
• Social time with a purpose
• Family involvement and activity
• Parent and son/daughter time

Many life lessons including:

• Being a part of a team
• Learning about, how to handle competition
• Learning what it takes to achieve excellence
• Learning to work with others
• Learning to encourage others
• Learning to find appropriate mentors

Competition


Bring up the topic at any adult event where parents are present and you will hear plenty of arguments for and against the competition inherent in sports participation. The fear and trepidation regarding the competitive nature of sports has actually become one of my reasons to encourage participation. Our world is saturated with competition and  based on what I know about human nature, it's not going away anytime soon. So let's dive in and wrestle with it. Let's be in the process of understanding it with our kids. Let's not just throw them in on their own and pretend that if we only choose the right activities (art & theater) for them, they won't encounter it.

Parents and coaches can (and should) have ongoing conversations about the games they are a part of and the competition involved. Listen to your young athlete's impressions and understanding. Don't make assumptions about what it means to them. Usually they have deeper understanding then we know.

Keep Talking

Consider exploring for yourself and with your athlete some of the following questions:
What is your goal for today's game or practice?
What skill do you want to practice to improve?
How can I help my teammates?
How can I contribute to my team?


One Example From Our Experience

Little League also offers suggestions

Our son, Asher, by his own choice, began playing   T-Ball at the age of five. Having watched his older brother play countless games already, Asher was an astute player when he first took the field. The rules of T-Ball were to him, unfortunately dumbed down. On one occasion, riding home from a game he talked T-ball rules. Angry and indignant to the point of tears he recounted a play that involved his impressive throw to first base. The throw beat out the runner but to Asher's dismay, the runner was allowed to stay on base. The meaning to him was that his effort wasn't acknowledged. To him the rule change negated the effort of his throw. Explaining that each player comes with different levels of skill and knowledge, especially at that age, was important. However, the experience reinforced for him the desire to gain skills to move on to experiences with more competition, not less.

Whatever level of participation you choose for your young athlete, there are fruitful experiences to share. Staying involved and active in sports can be worthwhile. There is learning and growth to be enjoyed at the gym or on the field for every family member, just keep connecting to one another and Play Ball!